classy-teen
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:icon_cry2:what r some ways do u suggest devorce victims should do in order 2 cope wit the situation? do you think councilling wil save a marrige an make men change or woman as d case may be?
DEVORCED MARRIGES!
- Thread starter classy-teen
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Well to me not every one thinks the same way, some people might need councilling while other don't
Alot of people marry when they are young, and when they are forced to like if they get have an unwanted baby. But if you marry some one out of love i don't see any reason why the both of them can't talk and make up back
Alot of people marry when they are young, and when they are forced to like if they get have an unwanted baby. But if you marry some one out of love i don't see any reason why the both of them can't talk and make up back
RauCous
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Yeah also depends on what you mean by victims. My understanding is that most divorces are mutual, that both people want it, (and that most are for the most arbitrary reasons but thats something else)
Some people would need counselling because they might trouble dealing with the emotions the may still feel towards the other and the unfulfilled emotional and physical needs they would've expected in the marrige but now have no chance of having.
Some people would need counselling because they might trouble dealing with the emotions the may still feel towards the other and the unfulfilled emotional and physical needs they would've expected in the marrige but now have no chance of having.
Resha
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Marriage councillor are best for any situation once yuh married.... Couples get divorce for alot of reasons and only if they want it to work they should seek a councillor....Some couples don't even bother about working things through so its totally up to them.... Councilling would not change an indivdual but its makes you aware of what went wrong and try to make things work out...
classy-teen
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i totaly agree wit u guys 100% but wat if the person who caused tha whole constriversy is the 1 who insist that they shud consider counsiling and he is the main reason 4 everything that happened? also he did the worst things a man could do to his wife what shd the wife do after giving him numerous amounts of chances? and just seem its useless to trust him after she did so many times and cant stand him no more but the husband insist the try counsiling?
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Well if i was her then after all the hurt and pain i gone thru i wudda jus let it go bcuz
1. He Started It
2. He Did the worst things he wud do to his wife
3. Gave him chances and it never worked
4. Can't Trust him no more
5. Can't Stand him
6. Now d a$$ wah try to get back together when his wife is already BROKEN!
On the other side some people change when its too late and now realize but if the wife doh wah him it MAKES NO SENSE TRYING SOUNSELLING WHEN ONE PARTNER DOH FEEL THE SAME WAY
1. He Started It
2. He Did the worst things he wud do to his wife
3. Gave him chances and it never worked
4. Can't Trust him no more
5. Can't Stand him
6. Now d a$$ wah try to get back together when his wife is already BROKEN!
On the other side some people change when its too late and now realize but if the wife doh wah him it MAKES NO SENSE TRYING SOUNSELLING WHEN ONE PARTNER DOH FEEL THE SAME WAY
classy-teen
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that is the ans i was lookin 4 karina ur so rite! i agree why try counciling wen its no longer worth it
RauCous
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As far as i see if its his (repeatedly) fault he could get counselling by himself. Assuming its a habit for him she shouldn't have to be dragged along if she doesn't want to. It's his problem only he can solve it because only he controls his actions. Even if she can see a change in him, it could be the end, if he screws up that many times there has to be a limit.
I prefer if people try to work it out, but only if both are really serious and some serious modification of behaviour occurs.
I still dont understand why people wait till thier married to notice certain things. Maybe some hope thier partners will drastically change, that hardly happens.
I prefer if people try to work it out, but only if both are really serious and some serious modification of behaviour occurs.
I still dont understand why people wait till thier married to notice certain things. Maybe some hope thier partners will drastically change, that hardly happens.
Resha
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It seems like classy-teen already made up his mind. Jus wanted someone to side on his side...
Counselling is really for people who want change in their life... If the woman don't want that then simply get a divorce... But she most be care ful of the situation.. The man could turn out to be very bad if he don't understand the situation fully...
Counselling is really for people who want change in their life... If the woman don't want that then simply get a divorce... But she most be care ful of the situation.. The man could turn out to be very bad if he don't understand the situation fully...
RauCous
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lol I read that too but i didn't wanna think so. lol. I just assumed like everyone it was someones fault. I dunno why I assumed its the mans fault though. lol. The thing is a broken relationship could be noones fault, some people are just incompatible But that doesnt mean it cant work if they try just both have to be committed. I'm all for multiple second chances, but if she's the one who gave up on him it really is hopeless. There really is no way to know for sure if your partner will really change unless you stick with it. Assuming counselling wont help is consigning the relationship to failure. I guess to the outsider neither of them looks any serious to deal with the issue, if one is running away and the other is only now seeking help. If she really wants him to change and this is the first real chance at professional help they should give it a try. If its thier 19th thats something else.
Think about this though if it's about cheating, no man cheats for no reason, either he always had the tendency to or whoever he's with it isn't supplying his needs.
Think about this though if it's about cheating, no man cheats for no reason, either he always had the tendency to or whoever he's with it isn't supplying his needs.
Resha
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"Think about this though if it's about cheating, no man cheats for no reason"
That is such a true statement...... But not wanting to be too bais, I still think when there is a problem in a relationship, talk it out or counselling is best before they venture the outside sea....
That is such a true statement...... But not wanting to be too bais, I still think when there is a problem in a relationship, talk it out or counselling is best before they venture the outside sea....
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Thats True Relationships suppose to hav NO.1 "communication" Without that it cannot function and when they hav good communication then they suppose to be open with eachother and deal with everything and work it out
RauCous
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How you so sure it not in the bible and koran. lol. It's only allowed in cases of adultery. Strangely enough people use these same books to justify all sorts of weird marrige practices. Makes you wonder if they even believe what they say they do. Divorce really is a big piece of crap, i mean you make a bloody vow to never leave your partner- for crying out loud what the point in the whole ceremony if you dont even keep the vow. Thats why i think prenuptuals are crap too because like that they plan on divorcing lol. If people are really committed there would be no need for things like that. Do people even bother to know who they're marrying anymore? Sorry i get worked up sometimes... but its true.
Resha
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Knowing someone for ten years and more is totally different when you are living with them .... When a couple get married, share their vows before God, everyone expect them to live happily ever after but it's never that way... There will be disagreements..... "Divorce may be crap" but if it have to reach this stage then nothing can't stop that....
RauCous
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Why must it reach that stage? Whatever happen for better or worse? Of course it takes time to know someone but should we just shove it when we realise we screw up? I still think people dont take marrige or each other seriously to look past whatever problems that may arise. Divorce is rather weak it doesnt really solve the problem it just ignore it. If only people had the strength of will to actually work on thier relationship.
You'd think that stuff like multiple divorces would never happen but that just shows how people approach marrige these days. When you think about it, in most cases there are no special cases for divorce, other than the horror cases we insist on bringing up, most divorces happen because people just give up. So much for for richer or poorer or sickness and health. Marrige is more of an economic decision, i'm starting to think it has nothing to do with love anymore. Divorce is just what happens when the economic partnership falls through. Its not about the kids or the house or whatever else there may be. It's just not feasible to stay married if it means you can't have the level of success you hoped to have. Thats weak.
Look at how much as changed long ago divorce would be devastating for kids nowadays people are claiming divorce is best for thier kids... what has changed seriously... absolutely nothing. Divorce is just another overused conveniance, just like abortion.
You'd think that stuff like multiple divorces would never happen but that just shows how people approach marrige these days. When you think about it, in most cases there are no special cases for divorce, other than the horror cases we insist on bringing up, most divorces happen because people just give up. So much for for richer or poorer or sickness and health. Marrige is more of an economic decision, i'm starting to think it has nothing to do with love anymore. Divorce is just what happens when the economic partnership falls through. Its not about the kids or the house or whatever else there may be. It's just not feasible to stay married if it means you can't have the level of success you hoped to have. Thats weak.
Look at how much as changed long ago divorce would be devastating for kids nowadays people are claiming divorce is best for thier kids... what has changed seriously... absolutely nothing. Divorce is just another overused conveniance, just like abortion.
Resha
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As much as it sound so understanding from your points but i jus don't see it when u have tried all the avenues in a marriage to work and it just continues to fail... When a couple get married you're actually getting to know each other better...There will be bad times, never a bed of roses... Counselling fails, ur self esteem fails, ur confident is all time low... what to do next....Yes i agree wit u when u say divorced is common as abortion ... People now ah days are simply not taking there time to get to know each other before marriage... Even after marriage they still not taking the time to know each other... that results to divorced... But my point is if a couple tried everything to try to make a relationship work and it doesn't jus simply get a divorce...
RauCous
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What would constitute a failed marrige? Yeah i'll admit that people dont pursue courtship in ways that gets all the problems out of the way. Lets say they do, what can suddenly change between them to result in something bad enough for divorce. Assuming they solved all issues between them how can time together be the only factor that drives them apart?
I guess thats where we differ in views, i belive that two people can be the perfect match- it doesnt mean they wont have hurdles it just means that they're the best match. I also belive that if two people aren't the perfect match do get married they are bound by every reason possible to remain married. This is what they agreed to regardless of the outcome. The only way out of it is if the opposite partner breaks the contract.
It sounds harsh but marrige is that much of a big deal. People just dont go around breaking oaths when they find it inconvenient. There are bonds that are formed when people do these things it becomes increasingly less significant each time you break one. They can choose to live separately but the oath with each other will stand.
I guess thats where we differ in views, i belive that two people can be the perfect match- it doesnt mean they wont have hurdles it just means that they're the best match. I also belive that if two people aren't the perfect match do get married they are bound by every reason possible to remain married. This is what they agreed to regardless of the outcome. The only way out of it is if the opposite partner breaks the contract.
It sounds harsh but marrige is that much of a big deal. People just dont go around breaking oaths when they find it inconvenient. There are bonds that are formed when people do these things it becomes increasingly less significant each time you break one. They can choose to live separately but the oath with each other will stand.
